Why does everything change when a common life appears? The same habits evoke completely different emotions: “he doesn’t love me,” “she doesn’t respect me,” “he does it to spite me,” “she doesn’t try for me.” What does our behavior in everyday life say?
Pantyhose under the bed, a sweater on a chair, a coat on the closet door, a bag under the kitchen table... She never knows what's where. Constantly loses keys, gloves, phones. Haven't heard of document covers. Money in all pockets. My requests to put everything in its place remain ... my requests. Is it really that difficult? She can't find anything on her own. How can you lose your hat? Well, how?! I do not understand. And I don't want to be a secretary, janitor and archivist at the same time anymore. I'm tired of organizing her life. This is a thankless job. Unpromising and endless.
He became unbearable. His constant nagging annoys me. Either the dust on the closet prevents him from living, then the stain on his shirt that is noticeable only to him haunts him, then the jars in the closet are not systematized by date ... You can go crazy! Why does he care how my things are in the closet? They are mine! What is his business? He cleans the floors himself, because, you see, I have a different idea about clean floors! He spends half a day on it. I can't stand it and leave at this time from home. His endless homemade kefirs with yoghurts will either ferment or not turn sour ... I can’t do it anymore. Half a lifetime is spent at war with dust and restoring order where no one will see it. I'm tired.
Household mutual intolerance
Often, it is the joint everyday life that reveals new facets of each other to us. And it is very difficult when these facets do not find a response in the soul of another person.
How good it was to live separately, meeting only occasionally and rejoicing in every moment spent together. Everything was simple and clear. Strange habits seemed like cute features and were said goodbye right there.
Why does everything change when a common life appears? The same habits evoke completely different emotions: “he doesn’t love me,” “she doesn’t respect me,” “he does it to spite me,” “she doesn’t try for me.”
Our views on housekeeping and the organization of everyday life may turn out to be diametrically opposed. Every day we stumble upon another world again and again, and this collision often causes negative feelings for both one and the other partner.
Every day, irritation accumulates, spilling out one day into a big quarrel. Such moments undermine the strongest relationships, depriving them of any prospect. Misunderstanding in trifles little by little alienates us from each other, tearing one by one those threads that bind the two together. In the end, we complain that “the boat of love crashed into everyday life” or “we are just too different”, and dropping our hands, we suffer, but say goodbye to the relationship.
Why do people so different in their habits initially find each other? What does our behavior in everyday life say? Is there a chance to defeat everyday "incompatibility" and save the relationship? We understand with the help of Yuri Burlan's System-Vector Psychology.
Fortune telling in the thick of the family, or what socks are talking about
The everyday habits of each of us are the same manifestation of our innate psychological properties, as the choice of a profession or an outlook on family life.
Behavior in everyday life is one of the facets of our character, but the most natural, because at home, in a familiar environment, on our own territory, we behave at ease and show ourselves as we are.
This means that everyday habits can serve as an excellent guide for determining the vector set of any person. And this, in turn, forms a holistic view of the personality of your partner.
For example, the notorious scattered socks are often combined with business trips, several jobs, a short memory for events that are not related to work, the ability to benefit from everything and so on. All this testifies to the presence, the properties of which manifest themselves in everything from food preferences to sexual fantasies.
Understanding the essence of the skin vector defines a whole new way of looking at your partner. You realize that logical thinking and a subconscious desire to save in everything does not allow him to spend all day on general cleaning in the apartment. This is a manifestation of the innate properties of the psyche, and not the desire to annoy you.
Kozhnik scatters his things not because he does not like cleanliness and order, but because this is not a priority for him. It is much more important for him to answer an important call than to carry a jacket to the closet.
Skin love for novelty manifests itself in frequent business trips, job changes, residence, new acquaintances and impressions. A systematically savvy spouse will never miss the opportunity to go on a trip with her husband, and the novelty factor will certainly make her strong point in intimate relationships.
A passion for order, special attention to detail and the need to bring all your undertakings to the end are inherent in a person with. His comments or even criticism are due to subconscious perfectionism, and not intrusive pickiness or a desire to humiliate you (unless, of course, he feels frustration). He is sure that everyone around him, just like him, must want everything to be perfect. And it does not matter to him how much time and effort it will take. Cleaning without washing windows is not cleaning, and washing without changing bed linen is not washing.
Skin order is when all his things are at hand. Anal order is when all his things are in their places.
The analytical mind of a person with an anal vector automatically organizes any objects - by purpose, shape, size, frequency of use or date of manufacture. For such an owner, each screw in the bottomless garage lies in its place in a separate box on the corresponding shelf. And an unevenly hanging picture causes discomfort.
The priority is the observance of traditions, devotion to the family, purity, however, which gives rise to swan loyalty. Constancy in everything and conviction in one's rightness provide the basis for responsibility for the family. A systematically thinking wife will never openly go into conflict or argue with her husband, she will never question his authority in the eyes of others. And thus it will help to reach a compromise, realizing that the interests of the family for such a spouse are above all else.
How did we end up together?
Agree that no domestic disagreements would arise if people with similar views on life were in a pair. It would be a real pleasure to exist in one territory - complete mutual understanding and no divorces on domestic grounds.
How does it happen that people with diametrically opposed worldviews converge? The secret is in the psychology of paired relationships. Natural attraction arises between vectorially different partners, which together form a single whole, complementing each other in terms of properties.
So, partners with skin and anal vectors choose each other, and a urethral man prefers a skin-visual lady. You can learn more about all the nuances of the formation of natural pairs at the training on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan.
Initially, we, so different, are pushed towards each other by the force of attraction - the most ancient way to connect a man and a woman for the sole purpose of continuing the human race. This bond keeps us together for up to three years.
Over the millennia, we have evolved, the volume of our psyche has increased, and we have learned to form connections with each other on a different, more complex level - emotional, intellectual, spiritual. It is ties of this nature that are strong enough and can provide a long-term pair union of two absolutely psychologically different personalities.
You can't visit
Some may wonder why spoil relations with such mundane issues as organizing a joint life, household, budget? .. After all, you can take only the cream of life from life, coming to visit and returning to your territory. You don’t have to “grind” to each other, bypass sharp corners and solve problematic issues. There will be no extra reasons for quarrels, stupid claims that you didn’t take out the trash or didn’t cook dinner.
Can. And it's very popular today.
But what does such a relationship give partners? Feeling of temporary entertainment instead of confidence in the future. An infantile desire to "take" instead of an adult desire to "give". Timid attempts to find yourself in this life instead of a full sense of fulfillment to the fullest of your potential.
Living at a distance is easy because it requires less effort from us. No need to look for ways to interact. A couple of days you can tolerate any household "inconsistencies". But such temporality is not a real relationship, it is a guest. They don't give us everything they could give. Learning to live together is another building block in building a strong relationship, another reason for a frank conversation, another point that requires effort from both sides.
When we enter into a serious relationship with all the obligations that follow from this, we declare to society that we are able to take place in this life. By doing so, we confirm that we have evolved to the point where we can take responsibility for another person, when we are ready for a life of a completely different quality, ready for the privilege of being spouses, being parents, being one with someone else besides ourselves. . This is our step forward, victory over ourselves, the conquest of a new peak.
System-vector psychology does not give homemade recipes for solving everyday problems. Thinking in systemic categories provides for a more radical approach: understanding a partner at a level where such problems simply do not arise, because scattered socks mean a high salary, and the demand for a white tablecloth is swan fidelity. When you begin to understand what features of the psyche are behind the actions of a partner, there is not irritation, but acceptance and tenderness, a desire to please him without any violence against yourself.
The article was written based on the materials of the training " System-Vector Psychology»Moving to a common nest, you think that you have found true eternal happiness. You are both in love and pay little attention to the habits and weaknesses you bring into your new home. Before harmony can be achieved, there will be many difficult trials, because life under one roof is not only an idyll, but also a test of character. The difference of interests will be felt at every step.
So far you haven't talked about money. He paid for the movie and dinner, and you responded with an invitation to a homemade dinner. But this idyll is over, and now you have to pay bills and go shopping together. To avoid financial difficulties, it is worth creating a special “fund” and possibly keeping a book of expenses, while taking into account the fact that you may not earn the same. Try to create savings in case someone loses their job. If you do not have a reserve, you will have to live at the expense of your partner. However, relying on someone else's kindness for a long time can lead to serious conflicts.
The modern couple must distribute household chores having established who will do the laundry, vacuum, take out the trash. At the same time, the iron separation of duties does not justify itself.
Everyone does what they love. Or what he understands. What remains, do in turn. Some things are easier to do if you help each other. Switch roles for variety. At least once a week, do what your partner usually does.
Consider the tastes and preferences of a man. Interior arrangement- pure pleasure if you like the same style. But this rarely happens. You like to be surrounded by pleasant little things and warm colors, and he is a supporter of cold minimalism. Divide the zones. If you have two rooms, everyone can arrange one room in their own style. If you cook most of the time, decorate the kitchen in your own way. If he is the soul of the company, let him decorate the living room to his liking. Create an illusion. If he moves in with you and the apartment is already furnished, give him at least a chance to participate in your creation.
What to do if one of you is a pedant, and the second does not interfere with the mess? Make a list of annoying things and post it in a prominent place. The written word is more powerful. Or try imagining that creative clutter favors sexual spontaneity. It inspires much more than sterile cleanliness and order, as in a museum.
The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. He is a meat eater and you are a vegetarian. Try not to have lunch together so as not to annoy each other. During the day it is better to eat in the city. Respect your partner's diet. Joint meals are a very important moment in family life, so you need to compromise during a Sunday or holiday dinner. Let there be a place on the table for both his chop and your carrot cutlets.
Previously, you did not notice that your lifestyle is different and these differences can cause conflicts.
Don't compete. If it seems that you have a competitor in the face of the TV, find yourself a remedy for loneliness. Call a friend, read magazines. He will surely be able to find something to do. If you like to listen to music or watch TV shows, do it with headphones. Don't force him to change. Differences in habits and preferences should not overwhelm your relationship. If you convince your partner that he should be the same as you, you will achieve the opposite result.
Social circle plays a big role in life together. In addition to mutual friends, you also have your own. Accustom him to your acquaintances gradually. Before you arrange a bachelorette party, introduce him to each friend separately. If one of his friends is unpleasant to you, try to convince yourself that this is a prejudice. He cannot be as stupid and worthless as you think, because he is a friend of your loved one.
Learn to plan your free time. At first you will be like Siamese twins, but this will pass. To maintain a strong union, it is enough to spend a third of free time with each other. You should have hours for yourself - for hobbies and pleasures. If you unwillingly start living the life of a loved one, you will quickly find that you have no topics to talk about, and eventually boredom will appear! Don't give up on anything.
Pay more attention to intimate life. The beginning of a life together brings with it disappointments, as he already guesses that your impeccable appearance is the merit of makeup, and he does not really resemble Superman. The rose-colored glasses disappear and you no longer make love as often as you used to.
Norms do not exist, It would be foolish to arrange sexual marathons through force, as happened in the past. Lack of desire every day does not mean that you do not love each other. It just so happens: what is available no longer seems so seductive. A loving couple can do many other wonderful things in bed - talk heart to heart, laugh. Sex becomes less passionate, but quantity turns into quality. You get to know each other better. Enjoying higher-order sensations, you feel loved and protected.
The most important thing is to learn how to resolve conflicts. When you lived separately, you could end a quarrel by slamming the door and waiting stubbornly for several days for him to relent and call. Now you have to face the truth, because you live together, and this option is not possible. You will have to strategize how to deal with conflicts, big and small.
It could be a healthy fight. Even the biggest scandal is better than hushing up an insult. Yell or say anything that annoys you. A few broken plates will cleanse the atmosphere better than an offended face. Learn to compromise. If, for example, he was again late for an hour, and you conjured over dinner for so long, do not start a quarrel.
What to hide, living together is a continuous series of compromises. Your life will never be the same again, but that doesn't mean it will only get worse! You just moved to the next class of the school of understanding men.
Can there be harmonious marital relations without a common life?
Under a common roof
When ten years ago Victor and Larisa created a family, they did not even think about a guest marriage. For young graduates of the medical institute, it was quite natural that spouses should live under the same roof, build a family nest together.
Shortly before the wedding, the bride's lonely aunt passed away, and the 23-year-old girl became the owner of a two-room apartment in the center of Moscow. It is quite natural that the young couple began to live there. At that time, Victor's living conditions were much worse. Victor's mother, his grandmother and two adult sisters lived in a two-room apartment on the outskirts of the capital.“I was very glad that already at the beginning of family life we had our own housing. At the same time, I tried to do everything in my power to make Viktor feel at ease and comfortable there, ”says Larisa.
Debt is debt
The prosperous family life of Victor and Larisa cracked three years ago. Events developed rapidly. By that time, Victor's grandmother had died, both sisters had married and settled separately. Victor's mother was left alone in the apartment. She suffered from loneliness and asked her son to visit her more often.
“When my mother-in-law became seriously ill, Vitya moved in with her to take care of her mother and brighten up the last months of her life ... I supported this decision because I understood that my husband should fulfill his filial duty,” says Larisa.
To the surprise of the woman, after the death of her mother, her beloved husband decided not to return. He liked to live in his mother's apartment, where he became the sole and sovereign owner. Victor usually visited his wife on weekends. Thus, the traditional marriage turned into a guest one.Second honeymoon
The first months of the guest marriage seemed surprisingly pleasant to Larisa. She has much more free time. When preparing lunches and dinners, a woman no longer had to be guided by the tastes of a fastidious spouse.
The husband began to take care of his own clothes, learned to iron shirts and trousers ... “The most important thing is that romance has returned to our marital relationship. When Vityusha visited me, his eyes shone ... My husband suddenly became so gallant, courteous, often complimented ... It was the second honeymoon of our marriage.
Family life cracked
However, the "sweet phase" in the relationship did not last long. Larisa considered the guest marriage as a temporary stage in their life, as a kind of psychological shake-up, a piquant game ... She more and more insistently persuaded the missus to return home. But Victor, who had already tasted the "air of freedom", was fine with everything. Larisa reproached her husband for selfishness, suspected him of infidelity ... During one of the skirmishes, Victor declared that he was not going to return to Larisa's apartment, since all the past years he had felt like a primak there.
Their meetings became more and more rare and short. Now Victor came a couple of times a month and stayed only a few hours. After seven months of living apart, the husband announced that he fell in love with another woman and was going to file for divorce. “Guest marriage killed our family!” - Larisa exclaims emotionally.The spread of guest marriages is facilitated by economic and social conditions. Modern men and women strive for a successful career. To achieve professional heights, you need to be mobile. A person should be ready at any moment to break away and move to another city and even to another country. Therefore, traditional marriages are increasingly becoming guest marriages.
This way of family life is not able to solve deep problems in marital relations. It is likely that misunderstandings, omissions and mutual insults have accumulated over the years in the relationship between Larisa and Victor. All this load of problems spilled out during the guest phase of their marriage.
Svetlana RumyantsevaHe is cohabitation, every year is gaining popularity among residents of large cities. Cohabitation without official registration of relations has its pros and cons. It can be viewed as a rehearsal for family life, gaining experience, testing feelings, or the most convenient relationship option. Among couples in which both a man and a woman have already been in the role of spouses, civil marriage is a kind of symbol of peace. He becomes a conscious choice of two, familiar with the intricacies of family life. And what about girls who decide for the first time to live together with a guy? What to expect from a new experience, and what pitfalls will meet on the way? We share experience.
Underwater rocks
The first months will be especially difficult: you will get to know a person anew. Say goodbye to the idealized image and get ready to accept the person as he is, without romantic embellishments.
Flaws
Your boyfriend is not perfect. It is not difficult to guess about this even before living together, but it will be possible to determine the extent of imperfection only in conditions of merciless life. Get ready for special difficulties if the young man lived with his mother before. The guy spoiled in the family is used to the fact that everything in the house is done without his participation: the plate left on the table is washed by itself, the socks scattered in the corners are erased by themselves, and the food appears by itself.
Young people who have tasted the delights of living separately are more prepared for a joint life. Every bachelor knows how to serve himself at a primitive level. With a good combination of circumstances, he reveals talents for cooking, cleaning and washing. At first, household trifles will haunt you at every step: splashes of paste on the mirror, the floor in the hallway trampled with dirty shoes, crumbs in the kitchen, and maybe in bed. Who's lucky! Do not despair. You can fight bad addictions, the main thing is not to confuse them with innate character traits.
Flaws can also be found in the guy's habits. For example, a loud sneeze that sounds like thunder from an orchestra pit, from which the whole house shudders along with you. Some voiceless men love to sing in the bathroom early in the morning, disturbing the sensitive sleep of the lady of the heart. Patience, you have a long joint work ahead of you.
Finance
In most cases, fears are caused by two nuances:
a girl makes more money than a guy
A guy's salary is higher than a girl's.
You need to choose a convenient budget option based on the views of both partners:
General budget - all money is added together, expenses are discussed in advance. The wishes of both partners are taken into account. If a girl bought a handbag this month, then next month a guy will buy a prefix. No sexual privileges unless they have been negotiated in advance. For example, guys spend less money on cosmetics than girls, this is their advantage. While the female restocks lipstick, mascara and blush, the young man saves money to buy a laptop. But here's the bad luck: a girl can also dream of an expensive purchase, which she can't see in such a scenario. How to be? Explain to a man that cosmetics are among the essentials: she will give her a beautiful appearance, he will be able to enjoy a lovely cohabitant.
Part of the total budget is the amount to pay for the apartment and general living expenses. She shares equally. The couple manages the rest of the money at their own will.
One of the partners fully assumes the payment of housing and household expenses. More often it turns out to be a man, but there are also business ladies who are ready. If a girl is financially dependent on a roommate, as a rule, she takes care of all household chores.
Couples starting to live together struggle to manage expenses. To solve this issue, calculate the budget. At first, accounting for purchases will be invaluable help and save you from unnecessary quarrels.
Responsibilities
One devastating stereotype lives in the head of the vast majority of men: the household is a purely female affair. Such an alignment is justified only in one case: when all financial obligations lie with the guy. If both work in a couple, then household chores are divided into two.
Girls in the very first weeks of their life together make one fatal mistake: they try to play the role of an ideal hostess. What is the danger?
You will not have enough strength to cope with the sharply piled responsibilities. Even an experienced hostess needs an assistant, what can we say about a girl taking the first steps in a life together? Life will exhaust you and squeeze out all the juices of life.
The guy will get used to it and sit on his neck. If you do not accustom a young man to help with the housework right away, then you will not be able to do it later. He will get used to his position as a “master” and will not want to part with it.
By tradition, men are entrusted with taking out the garbage, washing dishes, and the simple part of cleaning, but in each pair, the division of duties is individual. Some cohabitants actively practice complete equality: everyone cooks for himself, cleans up after himself, and does his laundry.
Personal space
At first, it seems to partners that spending 24 hours a day together is a dream and real happiness. After a couple of days / weeks, young people realize that they cannot do without. The desire for solitude is a natural desire that must not only be respected, but everything must be done to fulfill it. Let each partner choose their territory for the rest. Well, if these are different rooms. And if not? Someone has a computer desk, and someone has a sofa and a TV. Hobbies are also a sphere of personal interests, in which you should not interfere without a good reason. But don't go to extremes. Organize time so that you both stay together and relax separately.
Sex
Until a girl and a guy live together, sex in 90% of cases is planned. This is especially true for the female representatives. The realization that today the girl will stay with the guy alone and spend a stormy night with him is a psychological prelude.
During cohabitation, sex becomes spontaneous and at the same time mandatory. It is difficult for a girl to switch to an intimate mood after a working day and household chores. Sex fades. On especially difficult days (and there will be many of them in the first months), sexual intimacy can also cause a feeling of disgust. Guys are not immune from this situation. In the conditions of joint life, the physiological characteristics of partners are also revealed: one wants sex every day, the other every three days.
outlook
Each person is brought up and grows in individual conditions, has a subjective experience and a system of views on the world. Conflicts can be different: an atheist and a believer, a democrat and a monarchist, a Slavophile and a Westerner. But if global philosophical and political issues can be bypassed, then what to do with everyday troubles? The girl is a vegetarian and the guy is a meat eater. The situation is not simple. But even in it you will have to look for a compromise that will solve the issue of cooking, smells and aesthetic tastes.
prejudice
During their life together, young people will have to face personal prejudices and false ideas about civil marriage wandering among others.
already married
Girls think that living together is forever. In a couple of months or years, the guy will propose, they will get married, have children and live together until old age. Alas, the reality is different from the dream. and tend to fall apart.
Still free
For a man, cohabitation is the specter of freedom. You can always leave if something goes wrong.
Not seriously
Civil marriage is considered to be. It's right. But cohabitation is an effective test that helps to make the right decision. Young people realize whether they are ready for marriage and starting a family or not. This saves from the tragic mistakes common among hurried newlyweds.
Will not marry
This stereotype rests on the idea of a man as a lustful animal, eager for sex. Yes, some guys get one-sided benefits from cohabitation, but you should not judge all men by them.
Cradle of debauchery
An intimate relationship outside of marriage is still condemned among the inveterate guardians of morality who grew up during the years of the USSR. But young people do not share such ideas. Despite this, on a subconscious level, young people can feel shame and actively fight against the prejudices embedded by the older generation.
When solving difficulties, remember that it is impossible to remake another person for yourself. But it becomes a victim and it is also not worth putting an unbearable burden on your shoulders. The purpose of grinding is to make living together comfortable. Over time, you will adapt to new roles and conditions, find a common rhythm and common ground.
April 13, 2014, 11:23 am3 5 869 0
Cohabitation of a man and a woman is the result of a qualitative evolution of their relationship at the level of feelings, which leads to the desire to organize a joint life.
Living with a loved one under one roof is the dream of every lover who is tuned in to a serious long-term relationship and their continuation.
What in the modern world is now a more common form of the period of premarital relations, and sometimes their substitute.
For better or worse, it is civil marriage that is gaining more and more popularity both among young people and among couples of the older generation in a number of ways. certain reasons:
- It is more convenient and easier to live together without formalizing a marriage union;
- There is always the possibility of a quick and non-binding severance of relations without going to court and division of property;
- An excellent simulator for modeling everyday relationships, where both partners can see each other in everyday life and make a choice for the future - to continue the relationship or not
Nonetheless, there are also disadvantages legally unregistered relations between a man and a woman, among which the following can be distinguished:
- Most couples who live together for a long time do not subsequently formalize the relationship (it’s convenient for them anyway);
- Many women consider it humiliating to live with a man as a common-law wife;
- Men take civil relations less responsibly, considering them less serious than legal ones.
Whatever your beliefs regarding the need to register your relationship, the algorithm for organizing cohabitation will be the same.
It is important to understand that relationships before the start of living together under the same roof and after are qualitatively different relationships.
Until the decision of the couple to live together, the meetings were planned, held in a pleasant atmosphere, in a good mood, in an aura of love and happiness. Not without quarrels, of course, but mostly. People who just meet try their best to be good, the partner will like it. Therefore, sometimes they seem more than they really are.
After the beginning of a joint life, the masks are put aside, and the picture changes.
You should not be afraid and think that living together shows people from the worst side, and you should not start living together at all because of the fear of disappointment.
In no case. It's just that people show themselves as they really are, without the romantic additions and aura of initial love.
Living together is a deeper level of relationships in a couple, meaning each other's serious intentions and raising the question of linking your life with a partner forever.
After all, no one begins to live together for a pleasant pastime. If the conversation has already come about this, then the motivation is just a joint future, which indicates the depth of feelings for each other and the seriousness of intentions.
Therefore, if you decide to live together, the following steps will help organize this event easily and not miss anything.
Determine your place of residence
After deciding to live together, the edge becomes the question of place of cohabitation. It could be:
- Own living space of one of the partners;
- Rented apartment or house;
- Cohabitation on the territory of the parents of one of the partners together with the parents
Undoubtedly, the choice of residence is a key issue that will primarily affect the quality of life of a couple. After all, it is one thing to start living together and only the two of you, establishing your own rules and regulations, enjoying each other alone. It’s a completely different conversation if the couple, due to circumstances, is going to live with their parents. In the first case, the move is carried out simply and quickly - one partner collects his suitcase and brings it into the house. Since the alignment of things, life together began. In the second case, when the couple is forced to live with their parents, preliminary decisions are needed: to coordinate with the parents themselves the possibility of the couple living on their territory, a separate room for the couple and the rules of the house in which the couple will live.
There is a well-known saying “You don’t go to visit with your samovar” very clearly illustrates the move of one of the partners to the parental home of the other.
Despite the fact that the couple lives together and created a civilian family, do not forget that the parents have lived in this house for many years, this is their territory, their own way of life, which they will have to put up with, whether they like it or not.
Therefore, the rules and restrictions should be discussed even before the move, so that in the process of life there will be no domestic strife. It is the newly-made family that lives on the territory of the parents that will have to make concessions.
It should always be remembered that household issues must be discussed in advance, but in no case should one interfere in the couple's personal life or parental life. If everyone agreed to perceive the couple as a separate family, then it’s worth agreeing on a schedule for cleaning the house, but making claims to your wife: “Why is my Vitenka so depressed, you must have been rude to him ?!” is forbidden. Vitenka himself will deal with his mood, this is his personal business or the business of his family.
Make a budget
Even at the stage of planning cohabitation, special attention should be paid to the financial issue.
Conversations like “Somehow it will be” and “Somehow we will make money” are not suitable.
Both a man and a woman must navigate their common financial flow and opportunities to ensure cohabitation.
- Therefore, it is worth writing a list of mandatory monthly expenses and their amount.
- Decide on real opportunities to cover these expenses.
- And then see how much money is left for what.
If the picture suits you, there should be no problems. If you don’t have enough for something, you need to look for opportunities for additional income.
Unfortunately, many couples break up precisely because of an unresolved financial issue. Handle family money responsibly. Distribute expenses as needed and decide who pays for what.
The question of a joint or separate budget can also become a stumbling block in further residence.
So everything needs to be dealt with before the start of life and in such a way that everyone really suits. Otherwise mutual claims to each other cannot be avoided.
Divide household chores
This is another of the most important questions that all couples who are planning to live together or have just started face. High-quality organization of housekeeping is the key to peace in the family.
Distribute initially responsibilities between each other and responsibility for non-fulfillment.
If you agreed that every morning the husband takes out the garbage from the house and the husband signed under this, then the systematic failure to comply with this rule is fraught with the accumulation of garbage and smell in the house.
If you subscribed to the rules, follow them, otherwise there will be friction and discord.
Give personal space and time to each other
Everyone needs personal space and personal time for themselves. No need to count on the fact that having come together, you will now be passionate only about each other 24 hours a day. The first 3 days, perhaps, it will be so. But in the future, everyone will mind their own business. To do this, he needs time and opportunity.
Respect for the space of another person is the key to a happy and long life together. Remember this. The passion of partners for something other than each other and relationships makes people interesting in communication, filled and happy. It is very important.
